Desperately Seeking Self

Carving out my new identity as a bride to be is sometimes fun, sometimes challenging.  I am no longer that singleton who worked a job, spent lots of time alone, living alone, and dating someone.  I am now fully moved in with my fiance, though I spend 2-3 nights a week at my former condo residence.  My fiance has taken me into his life along with my 2 cats, and I have taken him into mine. I have forsaken all others and have him as a beneficial result.

Adjustments are made, and then more are made again later.  Sometimes the same adjustments over again.  He's messy, I'm tidy.  He's vegetarian, I eat some meat.  He rides a bike everywhere, I drive a car. I watch shopping TV, he watches sports. He's fiercely environmental, I occasionally use paper plates to avoid doing dishes.

Yet within these differences is a core of loving each other and both being compassionate caring people who also love animals and nature.  We are both intropective and have integrity, we like helping others.

This last week has been one of looking inside myself and seeing what's there, seeing what I like and what I want to change to make myself a better person, better friend, better partner to my fiance.  It has been sometimes easy sometimes hard.  I so appreciate the things in my life that have remained the same over the last tumultuous six months: my volunteer work at the cat shelter, the salon I go to for beauty help and relationship advice, and so grateful for the steady presence of my fiance in my life, so supportive, kind, loving and lovable.

This past week I found my wedding clutch and wedding earrings.  Moving forward and finalizing my wedding day look is such an adventure, the hunt and the finds have been fabulous.  The clutch is from Spain, the earrings from Saks.  Both will compliment my dress nicely and make the big day more special.  I continue to devour wedding magazines for prompts, ideas and inspiration.  The excitement builds and wanes, like the moving tides.

And I know now and will know well on the wedding day, what I'm getting into.  A joined life, a partnership, an enduring love, and a growing sense of self and happiness.