The Condo

The condo is where I lived before I moved in with my fiance at his place.  His place is now knows as "our house".  I refer to the condo privately as "the womb", that warm, fuzzy, comfortable place I can go to and feel like everything is ok.  It is the known, whereas being with my fiance at our house feels at times like the sort of scary unknown.

Moving in with my fiance happened sort of like this:  He asked me to marry him, I'm pretty sure I said yes (see first blog entry), and then he asked me if I wanted to move in with him.  This was after much emotion, rejoicing and happy tears.  I said yes, thinking of course I'm going to move in with my future husband.  I have a very traditional, conservative view of marriage and see it as a blissful union between two people who are living together.

I did not anticipate what it would be like to actually move.  I have lived in the same place for over twenty years.  Saying "over twenty years" is a nice way of saying I've lived at the condo for longer than many many people have been alive.  It also sounds nicer than saying 25 years which is actually how long I've been living, uninterrupted, at the condo.  Alone with my cat.  By myself with my feline. No men, no roommates.

Also I have never lived with a man before, at the condo or anywhere else, except when I was living with my brothers as a child and they teased me, threw me in the pool and made life difficult in general.  If it were not for the solid relationship I have with my father (also known as "my hero"), I would probably have no chance at marriage at all.

Ergo the need to move slowly, at a snail's pace, into the vast unknown of life with a significant other, a man, on his turf.  I found it helpful, after an emotional start, to spend a few nights a week back at the condo.  In fact I set up a schedule: Mon. Wed. & Fri. nights in the womb--I mean at the condo, and the rest of the time based at what soon became, and is becoming more and more every day, our place.

It's been about 2 months of pre-nuptual cohabitation...and things are going so very well.  Not that I haven't had difficult moments adjusting to my new role of fiance, bride-to-be etc.  Every day I check in with myself and make sure I am doing ok with everything.  If I'm not, I figure out, either on my own or with my fiance's help, how to make it better. And there seem to be a lot of people out there who have gone this way, this getting married way, who are really more than willing to give tips on how to make things easier and more rewarding.  It is to those helpful people of the recent past and future that I dedicate this entry, and say thank you. 

See you next time!

Keeping Secrets

Being engaged and moving into the finace's place is like looking at oneself under a huge microscope or at least a blurry magnifying glass.  I am newly aware of many behaviors that went previously unnoticed and taken for granted when I lived by myself-they seemed so normal. Some of these behaviors, I notice, are what I feel a need to hide from my fiance:

Shopping:  Yes I am among the large female population that like to shop.  My fiance however, is very environmental and shops only in thrift stores, reuses, reduces and recycles everything.  I admire him for this, to the point where I feel a little guilty about buying new things.  Thus, I am at times tip toeing around the house in the morning, bringing in new purchases when he's asleep.  I will have to take a look at this. The funny thing is that when he sees what I've bought, which inevitably happens eventually, he never judges me or says anything.  He likes the things I buy.  This makes my sneaky behavior seem a little silly. And makes me love him even more-he's such a great guy.

Eating: Yes I am among the large human population that likes to eat.  Probably because I so enjoy staying alive.  But to move into my fiance's house, with all the cheese, peanut butter and heretofore "forbidden" foods (meaning foods I never kept in the house when I lived alone because I would eat them all at once), is weird.  To eat around someone you want to appear attractive to takes getting used to.  I have learned to be nice to myself with my diet, be honest with myself about foods I eat, and that my fiance really doesn't particularly notice or care what I eat.  And that it's not necessary to raid the refrigerator at nighttime. It's ok to be real.

Working Out:  I can be very lazy.  My fiance is the opposite of lazy.  He works out every day, stretches, ices injuries, rides his bike instead of driving, walks the dog, etc.  At first I tried to keep up with him, as it is virtually impossible to hide being lazy.  That resulted in my feeling universally tired and grumpy, sore and unable to walk properly.  I've learned to, instead of imitate, emulate his self-caring attitude, and downscaled his discipline to a moderate version that works for me.  As a result, I'm exercising more, feeling better, and have lost some weight.  Thank God, because my wedding dress will arrive in late May...that's about 4 weeks away, and I want to look fabulous.

Speaking of which, time for a walk on the beach. Bye for now:)

New Beginnings

"Will you marry me?" he said.  I don't remember saying yes.  Is that a good or bad thing?  I must have said yes.  Since that day, we have set a wedding date, chosen a venue, and hired all the appropriate personel. 
It has been a lot of ups and downs.  I have had more downs than ups recently which is why I'm starting to write this blog.  I need a creative outlet beyond the two journals I have going (one at my place, one at his...i mean our place).  Ergo, an anonymous blog...I like that idea. I think.